Online dating has revolutionised the way people meet and connect in the United Kingdom. With over 11 million British adults actively using dating apps and websites, the digital dating landscape has become an integral part of modern romance. However, this convenience and accessibility comes with unique challenges and safety considerations that women need to navigate carefully.
The statistics tell a concerning story. According to recent research, approximately 33% of people aged between 18 to 35 have experienced harassment or abuse from someone they met online. Romance fraud scams have resulted in losses exceeding £106 million in the past year alone, with victims losing their life savings to carefully orchestrated schemes. Despite these risks, countless women successfully use online dating platforms to find meaningful relationships and companionship.
The key to safe online dating isn’t avoiding the platforms altogether—it’s understanding the landscape, recognising potential dangers, and implementing protective strategies that allow you to date with confidence. This comprehensive guide provides everything UK women need to know about staying safe while using dating apps and websites, from profile creation through to meeting in person and beyond.
Chapter 1: Understanding the Online Dating Landscape in the UK
The Current State of Online Dating
The online dating industry in the United Kingdom has experienced explosive growth over the past decade. What was once considered a niche activity has now become mainstream, with dating apps embedded into everyday life for millions of British women. Major platforms like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Match, and eHarmony dominate the market, each offering different approaches to connecting potential partners.
The diversity of platforms means there’s genuine opportunity for connection. Research shows that 57% of dating app users describe their experiences as positive, with many finding authentic relationships and meaningful companionship. The convenience of accessing potential partners from your home, on your schedule, has made dating more accessible than ever before, particularly for women with demanding careers or those living in areas with limited social opportunities.
However, this accessibility cuts both ways. The same anonymity and scale that creates opportunity also attracts individuals with questionable intentions. Understanding this dual nature is essential for approaching online dating with both openness and caution.
Why Women Face Unique Risks
Women using online dating face distinct challenges compared to their male counterparts. Gender-based harassment, safety concerns related to meeting strangers, and specifically targeted scams create a unique risk profile. The Open University’s Centre for Protecting Women Online has identified that women are disproportionately affected by online dating abuse, with perpetrators often using manipulative tactics specific to exploiting women’s emotional vulnerabilities.
Romance scams, in particular, predominantly target women. Scammers craft elaborate personas and emotional narratives designed to build trust and affection before requesting money or sensitive information. The psychological component of these scams means victims often experience lasting emotional trauma beyond the financial loss.
Safety concerns extend beyond fraud. Women meeting strangers also face the risk of physical danger, sexual coercion, or assault. These aren’t rare edge cases—they’re statistically significant concerns that inform the safety protocols all women should implement when dating online.
Recognising the Positive Aspects
Despite these challenges, it’s important to acknowledge that online dating, when approached strategically, offers genuine benefits. The ability to filter for shared values, interests, and relationship goals upfront means women can identify compatible partners more efficiently. Many successful relationships and marriages have begun on dating apps. Women have agency, choice, and the ability to exercise standards and boundaries more easily in the online environment than in some traditional dating scenarios.
The key is balancing awareness of risks with a willingness to engage authentically with the platform.
Chapter 2: Creating a Strong and Authentic Profile
Profile Fundamentals That Attract Quality Matches
Your profile is your digital first impression, and it sets the tone for the calibre of matches you’ll receive. Creating an authentic, well-crafted profile that accurately represents who you are serves multiple purposes: it attracts genuinely compatible partners, establishes your credibility, and actually enhances safety by ensuring that people are interested in you for the right reasons.
Start with clarity about who you are. Rather than trying to appeal to everyone, focus on presenting your genuine personality, values, and interests. Women who are specific about their interests—whether that’s hiking, philosophy, travel, or board games—tend to attract more thoughtful matches than those who provide generic descriptions.
Use recent photographs that reflect how you actually look. Over-filtered, heavily edited, or outdated photos create false expectations and set the stage for disappointing in-person meetings. This might seem counterintuitive from a safety perspective, but authenticity actually protects you. Men who are genuinely interested will connect based on realistic expectations. The men who match with you because they expected someone different are far more likely to be dismissive or disrespectful during the date.
Include photos that show your face clearly, ideally a variety that demonstrates different contexts and genuine smiles. Avoid overly sexy or revealing photos if that’s not your style—these can attract the wrong type of attention. You’re looking for people interested in you as a complete person, not those responding to a caricature.
Highlighting Your Values and Intentions
Your written profile should clearly communicate what you’re looking for. Are you seeking a serious relationship, casual dating, or something in between? Being explicit about your intentions filters out incompatible matches from the start, saving everyone’s time and emotional energy.
Highlight your actual values. If family is important to you, mention it. If you’re focused on your career, say so. If you value outdoor activities or cultural engagement, let that shine through. These details allow compatible people to self-select into your matches and incompatible people to opt out.
Avoid clichés and surface-level descriptions. Instead of “I love to travel,” say something like “I’m particularly interested in exploring ancient historical sites and learning about different cultures.” Instead of “I’m looking for someone with a good sense of humour,” identify the specific type of humour you appreciate. This specificity attracts higher-quality matches and reduces the number of generic, impersonal messages you receive.
What to Avoid in Your Profile
Certain information should never appear in your dating profile. Never include your full name, address, workplace, phone number, social media handles, or any information that could identify your location specifically. Dating apps should be your only point of contact until you’ve developed significant trust with someone.
Avoid including photos with other people, as this creates confusion and is often misinterpreted. Never include photos of your children if you have them. Not only does this raise safety concerns about minor children appearing online, but it also invites unwanted commentary and judgment.
Don’t overshare about past dating experiences or relationship failures. Potential matches don’t need to know that your ex cheated on you or that you’ve had bad experiences with online dating. Keep the focus on your present self and future possibilities.
Avoid negative language, complaints, or demands in your profile. Statements like “if you can’t spell, don’t message me” or “serious enquiries only, no time-wasters” often come across as jaded rather than attractive. Positivity draws better responses than gatekeeping.
Chapter 3: Recognising Red Flags and Potential Scams
Common Scam Profiles and Tactics
Online dating scams have become increasingly sophisticated, and UK women are frequently targeted. Romance scammers invest considerable time building trust and emotional connection before eventually revealing their true intent: obtaining money. Understanding common scammer tactics is essential protection.
Most romance scammers follow predictable patterns. They often use photos stolen from legitimate sources, presenting themselves as successful, attractive individuals—typically military officers, doctors, engineers, or wealthy entrepreneurs working abroad. The initial conversation will feel unusually engaging, with the scammer asking questions designed to appeal to your emotions and values.
Early messages often contain excessive compliments and flattery. Scammers rapidly escalate emotional intimacy, expressing deep feelings, talking about a future together, and creating a sense of intense connection in an unnaturally brief timeframe. This rapid progression, known as “love bombing,” is a significant red flag.
Real people don’t typically develop deep emotional attachments within days or weeks of online conversation. Genuine connection develops gradually, with both parties maintaining some emotional reserve while trust builds. If someone is expressing intense love, planning futures together, or suggesting they can’t live without you within the first week, that’s a warning sign.
Red Flags in Communication
Pay close attention to communication patterns. Scammers often make excuses for why they can’t video call, citing technical difficulties, work projects, or family emergencies. They’ll suggest moving the conversation off the dating app quickly, requesting you contact them via WhatsApp, email, or text. This rapid transition is designed to remove their communication from the dating platform where it might be reported or monitored.
Watch for inconsistencies in their stories. If they’ve told you they’re in London this week but mentioned living in Dubai last week, that’s suspicious. If the stories about their work, family, or personal situation don’t add up over time, trust that instinct. Scammers often manage multiple fake profiles simultaneously and may slip up with details.
One major red flag is any request for money, no matter how it’s framed. Legitimate potential partners should never ask you to send money, gift cards, cryptocurrency, or financial support. The scenarios are often elaborate—they need money for a medical emergency, business investment, visa application, or return travel. Some scammers even develop complex stories about needing help with a sick relative or displaced child. No matter how compelling the story, this is a boundary you never cross with someone you’ve met only online.
Requests for personal information beyond what’s normal for getting-to-know-you conversations is another warning. If they’re asking for your banking details, your full name and address, information about your family members, or security question answers, recognise this as a scam tactic. Scammers use this information for identity theft or blackmail.
Catfishing and Fake Profiles
“Catfishing” refers to creating a fake online persona to deceive others, typically for financial gain or emotional manipulation. Catfishers use fake photos, invented backgrounds, and fictional life stories to build false relationships. While all catfishing is deceptive, not all catfishers are financial scammers—some are seeking emotional connection using a false identity, which is still harmful.
Verify that your matches actually exist. Use reverse image search to check whether their profile photos appear elsewhere online. Google Images makes this simple: right-click their photo and select “search image with Google.” If the same photo appears on multiple dating profiles with different names, or if it appears on a stock photo website, you’re dealing with a fake profile.
Check their social media presence. Legitimate individuals should have some online footprint. Look at their Facebook profile, Instagram, or LinkedIn. A real person will have some history, connections, and consistency across platforms. A completely blank social media presence or an account created recently with minimal activity is suspicious.
Before meeting in person, consider requesting a video call. This accomplishes multiple things: it verifies they’re a real person who looks roughly like their photos, it gives you a chance to assess their communication and personality in real-time, and it significantly deters scammers and catfishers who won’t be able to maintain their false identity on video.
Trust Your Instincts
The most reliable safety tool you possess is your intuition. If something feels off, it probably is. A profile that seems too good to be true, a person who says things that don’t quite align with reality, a conversation that feels unusually intense or one-sided—these gut feelings exist for a reason.
You don’t need permission to end a conversation, unmatch with someone, or stop communicating. If a person makes you uncomfortable, you owe them nothing. No explanation is necessary. A simple unmatch or block is completely appropriate. Your safety and peace of mind take absolute priority over politeness.
Chapter 4: Privacy Protection and Personal Information Management
What Information to Keep Private
One of the most crucial safety principles for online dating is aggressive privacy protection. The information you share in online dating contexts can be used against you for fraud, identity theft, blackmail, or harassment. Implement a strict policy about what you disclose and when.
Never share your full name with someone you’ve met only online. Most dating apps allow you to use a first name only or a nickname. Use this to your advantage. If you’ve been messaging someone for a short time and they ask your last name, you can say something like, “I’ll share more personal details once we’ve met and I’ve had a chance to get to know you better.” Anyone who responds with pressure or anger to this reasonable boundary is showing you who they are.
Your home address, workplace address, phone number, and daily routines should never be shared before you’ve met in person and determined the person is trustworthy. Even after meeting in person, share this information gradually and only when you’ve developed genuine trust. Some women use the strategy of providing their workplace location for the first few dates only after clearly establishing this is not their actual work address, but rather the general area where they’re comfortable being seen.
Social media accounts should be private until you’ve met someone in person and feel confident about their legitimacy. Never share links to your Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn during initial conversations. If someone you’ve met online asks to follow your social media before you’ve met in person, that’s worth noting as potentially controlling or predatory behaviour.
Information about your family members, their names, ages, where they live, or where they work is absolutely off-limits for early-stage online dating. This information can be used for social engineering, identity theft, or worse. The same applies to financial information—never discuss your salary, savings, investments, or financial situation with someone you’ve met only online.
Using Dedicated Communication Tools
Modern safety strategies often involve using dedicated communication apps that provide additional privacy and security. Many women use a separate phone number specifically for dating apps, which you can obtain through services like Google Voice. This means even if a date gets your contact information, they don’t have access to your primary phone number.
Before giving out your personal mobile phone number, communicate through the app’s messaging service for as long as feels appropriate. There’s no rush to move to direct contact. If someone pressures you to switch to text messaging or WhatsApp quickly, this is a red flag. Legitimate people are happy to message on the app that facilitated your connection.
When you do eventually exchange numbers, do so only after you’ve video called them, thoroughly vetted their profile, and decided you’re genuinely interested in meeting in person. The point at which you exchange contact information should feel like a natural progression in trust-building, not a rushed transition.
Email addresses used for dating apps should ideally be separate from your primary email. If you use your main email for dating apps, you’re allowing potential matches access to an email address associated with your real identity, which can compromise your privacy.
Protecting Your Digital Footprint
Your digital footprint extends far beyond dating apps. Information about you exists across the internet, and scammers or malicious individuals can use this to learn more about you than you intended to share. Regularly check what information about you is publicly available online.
Search yourself on Google. What information appears in the results? Can someone find your address, phone number, or workplace through a simple search? If so, consider taking steps to remove this information from public databases or changing privacy settings on existing accounts.
Review your social media privacy settings regularly. Your Instagram shouldn’t be publicly visible to strangers. Your Facebook shouldn’t display your hometown, relationship status, or other identifying information. Twitter and other public accounts should carefully consider what information you’re sharing publicly.
Be cautious about location-tracking features on dating apps. Many apps have GPS-enabled features that show matches nearby. While this is convenient, it also means your location is being tracked. Consider using these features sparingly and turning off location services on dating apps when you’re not actively using them.
Chapter 5: Vetting Potential Dates Before Meeting
The Importance of Thorough Vetting
Before agreeing to meet anyone in person, you should engage in comprehensive vetting. This isn’t paranoia—it’s a reasonable safety precaution that dramatically reduces risk. Spending extra time assessing someone’s legitimacy and compatibility before meeting them in person is time well invested.
Conduct a thorough conversation over the app or phone before agreeing to meet. Ask them questions about their life, work, family, interests, and values. Notice whether their answers are consistent with previous things they’ve told you. Scammers and dishonest people often trip up when asked follow-up questions or when their stories are scrutinised.
Ask them about specifics related to their stated life. If they claim to work in marketing, ask them specific questions about their work. If they say they enjoy hiking, ask about their favourite trails or mountains. Legitimate people can discuss their actual interests and experiences in detail. People who are making things up often give vague answers or change the subject.
Pay attention to how they treat you in conversation. Do they ask questions about your life and interests, or do they mostly talk about themselves? Do they listen to your responses and remember details you’ve shared, or do they ask the same questions repeatedly? Respectful people maintain interest in learning about you. Manipulative people are primarily focused on their narrative and keeping your attention on them.
Social Media and Online Investigation
Conduct a thorough social media investigation before meeting anyone in person. Use reverse image search on their profile photos. Use Google to search for their name combined with the city they claim to live in. Look for their LinkedIn profile to verify their stated employment. Check for their Facebook account and review how established their presence is.
What you’re looking for is consistency. A real person should have some digital presence, a reasonable history on social media, connections to real people, and consistency in the stories they’ve told you. Someone who appears only on dating apps with no other online presence is suspicious. Someone whose Facebook account was created last month while they claim to have lived in the UK for years is suspicious.
Review their friends list on Facebook, if visible. Do they have mutual connections with other people? Do they have a reasonable number of friends? Scam profiles often have very few friends or connections, or friends who all appear to be other fake accounts.
Be cautious about requesting information they shouldn’t have. If you’re investigating their profile, you can often do this through public information. You shouldn’t need to request their address from them specifically to verify it (you can often find people through property records or reverse address lookup if their name genuinely matches their background story).
Setting Up the Meeting
Once you’ve determined someone is likely legitimate and you’re genuinely interested, you’ll discuss meeting in person. Choosing the right time and place for this first meeting is crucial. Always meet in a public location during daytime hours. Coffee shops, restaurants, bookstores, museums, and parks are excellent first-date venues. These locations are populated with other people, your meeting is visible to witnesses, and you can easily leave if you feel uncomfortable.
The time of day matters for safety. A date during lunch or coffee time in a busy location is ideal for a first meeting. Evening dates are less ideal for a first meeting because they often transition to quieter venues, and you’re more likely to be tired or less able to think clearly later in the day.
Never agree to let them pick you up from your home, regardless of how convenient this might seem. Drive yourself, take a taxi, or use a ride-sharing service. If you’re using ride-sharing, take note of the driver details and share them with a friend, in case anything goes wrong. Having your own transport ensures you can leave whenever you want, without having to wait for someone else to take you home.
Plan your route to the venue in advance. Know how long it will take, where you’ll park, and what public transport is nearby. Having this figured out beforehand reduces stress and ensures you’re not arriving flustered or uncertain.
Chapter 6: Pre-Date Safety Protocols
Tell Someone Where You’re Going
Before any first date with someone you’ve met online, always tell at least one trusted person exactly where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and what time you expect to be back. Share their name, photo, and any contact information you have for them. The more information your trusted person has, the better.
Some women share their location live during the date, using location-sharing features on their phones. This ensures that if something goes wrong, someone knows exactly where you are in real-time. Others exchange regular text updates with a friend throughout the date.
Establish a safety code system with your trusted person. Agree on a code word that, if you text it, means you need emergency help. Your friend’s role is then to call you with a fake emergency that gives you an excuse to leave. This system allows you to exit a dangerous situation without having to confront the person directly.
Practical Preparation
Before leaving for your date, prepare practically for various scenarios. Charge your phone fully. Know the phone number of your trusted friend, not just relying on having it in your contacts (in case your phone dies or is stolen). Consider having a small amount of emergency cash in addition to your card, so you can pay for your own transport home even if your card doesn’t work.
Dress in a way that allows you to move easily and comfortably. Wear shoes you can walk or run in if necessary. While this might seem overly cautious, the ability to physically remove yourself from a situation quickly could matter.
Avoid heavy alcohol consumption during the first meeting. You need to maintain clear judgment and be fully aware of your surroundings. This is particularly important at a restaurant or bar where drinks are served. Watch your drink at all times. Never accept a drink that you didn’t see being made or that you left unattended. Only accept drinks from the bartender directly or a drink you personally purchased.
If you order a drink and need to step away, leave the drink behind. It’s worth a lost drink for the security of knowing your beverage hasn’t been tampered with. Never accept a drink someone bought for you before you arrived at the venue. If a date insists on buying you a drink immediately, suggest you’ll order your own or suggest meeting at a location where you each purchase your own.
Setting Expectations
Before the date, you can establish expectations through conversation. Many women explicitly discuss safety protocols: “I’ll be driving myself there and will need to leave by a certain time,” or “I’m going to let my friend know where I’m meeting you.” This isn’t rude—it’s normal and reasonable. If someone responds negatively to you wanting your friend to know where you are, that’s a red flag.
You can also set expectations about physical contact and boundaries. “I’m looking forward to getting to know you better, but I want to take things slowly,” communicates that you’re not looking for sexual escalation on a first date. Any date who responds to this boundary-setting with pressure or guilt is showing you exactly who they are.
Chapter 7: During the Date—Reading and Responding to Behaviour
Observing Their Behaviour
From the moment you meet, you’re gathering information about this person’s character. Start with basic observations. Do they show up on time? Were they honest about their appearance, or do they look significantly different from their photos? These immediate observations tell you whether this person respects your time and whether they’ve been truthful.
During conversation, notice how they treat you and others. Are they respectful and genuinely interested in what you have to say, or are they self-absorbed and dismissive? How do they treat service staff? If they’re rude to a waiter or café worker, understand that this reveals their true character. Many people are on their best behaviour on first dates, but their treatment of people they perceive as “beneath them” is often telling.
Listen to what they say about their ex-partners or previous dating experiences. Do they take any responsibility for relationship breakdowns, or do they characterise all exes as crazy, difficult, or malicious? If they’re blaming everyone else for every negative thing that’s happened in their dating history, that’s a pattern you’re witnessing.
Notice whether they ask you questions and actively listen to your answers, or whether they mostly talk about themselves. Healthy people are interested in learning about others. People who only want to discuss themselves often have insecure or narcissistic tendencies.
Pay attention to how they respond to your boundaries. If you mention something you’re not comfortable with, does he respect that, or does he try to convince you otherwise, make you feel bad, or pressure you? How someone responds to your “no” is critically important. A respectful person will accept your boundaries. A person who pressures, guilt-trips, or becomes angry when you set boundaries is showing you they don’t respect your autonomy.
Red Flags in Behaviour
Certain behaviours during a date are significant warning signs. These include:
Excessive drinking or attempting to get you extremely intoxicated. This is potentially predatory behaviour designed to reduce your ability to consent or defend yourself.
Pressuring you physically. This might include trying to kiss you when you’ve made clear you’re not interested, touching you after you’ve moved away, or not respecting physical boundaries. No means no, and it means no immediately.
Controlling behaviour such as criticising your appearance, telling you what to order, checking your phone, or making decisions for you. These are controlling tactics that often escalate in relationships.
Love bombing or excessive declarations of emotion. While some enthusiasm is normal, someone who’s already planning a future, talking about marriage, or expressing intense love on a first date is exhibiting behaviour that often precedes manipulation or control.
Lying about basic details. If they’ve told you something different on the app or phone compared to what they’re telling you now, that’s dishonesty you’re witnessing in real-time.
Discussing sexual topics excessively or making sexual advances when you’ve not indicated interest. This is disrespectful and potentially predatory.
Trusting Your Gut
If something feels off, end the date. You don’t need to stay through an entire dinner if you’re uncomfortable. You can excuse yourself to the bathroom and leave, or simply say, “I don’t think we’re a good match. I’m going to head home.” You don’t owe anyone a full explanation or a second chance.
Many women stay in uncomfortable situations because they want to be polite or because they’re worried about hurting the other person’s feelings. Prioritise your safety and comfort over politeness. A person who makes you uncomfortable is not owed your time or energy.
If you feel physically unsafe at any point, leave immediately. Go to a public space, find staff at the venue, or call the police if you feel you’re in danger. Do not worry about seeming rude or dramatic. Your physical safety is the absolute priority.
Chapter 8: After the Date—Moving Forward Safely
Immediate Post-Date Steps
After your date ends, debrief with the trusted person you told your location to. Let them know you’re safe. Discuss the date and your impressions. Sometimes an outside perspective helps you process your feelings and recognise things you might have missed in the moment.
Take some time before deciding whether you want to see this person again. The excitement or attraction of a first date can override more thoughtful judgment. Give yourself at least a day or two to process. Do your impressions hold up? Were there any behaviours that bothered you? Are you actually interested in spending more time with this person, or were you just caught up in the moment?
If you’ve decided you’re not interested, communicate this clearly and kindly. A simple message like, “I enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t feel we’re a good match,” is sufficient. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation of why you’re not interested.
Building Trust Gradually
If you’ve decided you want to continue dating this person, do so gradually. Don’t immediately introduce them to your friends or family. Don’t give them access to all your personal information or your social media accounts immediately. Trust builds over time through consistent, positive interactions.
Share information slowly. As you spend more time together and observe their character consistently, you can share more personal details. The process should feel natural and reciprocal—they should be sharing personal information about themselves as well.
Pay attention to whether their behaviour remains consistent. Do they treat you the same when you’re alone as they do in public? Do they follow through on commitments and texts? Consistency is a key indicator of trustworthiness.
Watch for controlling behaviours that might emerge as you spend more time together. Some manipulative people are charming and respectful initially but gradually become more controlling as they invest in the relationship. Being attentive to this pattern allows you to exit the relationship before it becomes serious.
When to Involve Your Wider Circle
Only introduce someone to your friends and family once you’ve been dating for a reasonable period and you feel confident about the person’s character. Don’t rush this step. Your friends and family often notice things about someone’s character that you might miss due to attraction or emotional investment.
When you do introduce them to others, pay attention to how they interact with your loved ones. Do they show respect? Do they try to isolate you from your friends and family? Do they behave the same way with others as they do with you? These observations provide important information.
Chapter 9: Recognising and Responding to Abuse
Understanding Dating Abuse
Abuse in dating relationships can take many forms, and it’s not always physical. Emotional abuse, financial control, isolation from friends and family, and sexual coercion are all forms of dating abuse. Sometimes abuse escalates gradually, making it difficult to recognise until patterns have been established.
Red flags for an emotionally abusive relationship include:
A partner who frequently criticises you, making you feel inadequate or worthless. A partner who isolates you from friends and family or criticises your relationships with them. A partner who monitors your phone, social media, or whereabouts. A partner who makes you feel responsible for their emotions or behaviour. A partner who threatens to harm themselves if you leave. A partner who uses sex as a tool of control or coercion. A partner who becomes angry when you disagree or set boundaries.
If you recognise any of these patterns, understand that abuse often escalates and is unlikely to improve without professional intervention. The safest course of action is usually to leave the relationship.
Resources for Support
If you’re experiencing abuse in an online dating context or from someone you met through online dating, support is available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (0808 2000 247) provides confidential support 24/7 and can help you develop a safety plan if you’re in danger.
Action Fraud (0300 123 2040 or online at actionfraud.police.uk) handles reports of fraud and scams, including romance fraud. They can provide guidance on reporting and may be able to help recover funds, though recovery is not guaranteed.
The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative provides support for those experiencing online harassment or abuse. Many UK women’s organisations also offer support specifically for those experiencing online dating-related abuse.
Chapter 10: Reporting and Blocking
Using Platform Safety Features
All reputable dating apps have safety features, including the ability to block and report other users. If someone is harassing you, sending explicit images, threatening you, or otherwise behaving inappropriately, use these features.
Most apps allow you to:
Block the user, which prevents them from contacting you. Report them to the platform, which notifies the app’s safety team. Save evidence of inappropriate behaviour, which can be valuable if you need to report to authorities.
Document inappropriate behaviour before deleting conversations. Screenshots of threatening messages, sexually explicit content, or blackmail attempts are valuable evidence if you decide to report to the police.
Reporting to Authorities
In cases of sexual harassment, threats, blackmail, or exploitation, you can report to the police. In England and Wales, you can report online crime to the National Crime Agency’s National Reporting Centre. Most local police forces also have online reporting options for non-emergency crimes.
If you’ve been a victim of romance fraud, report it to Action Fraud immediately and alert your bank. Banks can sometimes freeze fraudulent transactions if reported quickly. They can also investigate whether other accounts are involved with the fraudster.
Moving Forward After Negative Experiences
After a negative experience with someone from an online dating app, it’s normal to feel frustrated, violated, or discouraged about online dating. Give yourself time to process. You don’t need to immediately jump back onto dating apps. Many women take a break to recover emotionally and regain their confidence.
When you do return to dating, remember that one bad experience doesn’t reflect on you. Online dating, like traditional dating, involves risk and requires discernment. Many women have negative experiences without it being a reflection on their judgment or attractiveness.
Chapter 11: Specific Scams Targeting UK Women
Romance Scams in Detail
Romance scams are the most common type of online dating fraud targeting women in the UK. These scams typically follow a predictable trajectory that’s important to recognise.
The scammer creates a fake profile using stolen photos, typically of an attractive man. They initiate contact and begin building rapport with you. This phase usually involves excessive compliments, expressions of interest, and attention designed to make you feel special.
Within days or weeks, the scammer will escalate emotional intimacy dramatically. They’ll discuss future plans, talk about missing you, use terms of endearment, and create a false sense of deep connection. This is “love bombing”—a manipulation tactic designed to make you emotionally invested.
At some point, typically after they’ve established this emotional connection, the scammer will introduce a “crisis.” They might claim they need money urgently for a medical procedure, a business opportunity, travel to meet you, or any number of scenarios. They’ll ask you to send money via bank transfer, gift card, or cryptocurrency.
Once money is sent, scammers typically either disappear or ask for more money for additional emergencies. Some scammers continue the relationship indefinitely, repeatedly requesting money and making excuses for why they can’t meet in person.
The psychological impact of romance scams is significant. Victims often feel humiliated and betrayed, particularly when they realise they were manipulated by someone they believed cared about them.
Financial Scams
Beyond romance fraud, there are other financial scams targeting online daters. Some scams involve asking you to receive money or packages on their behalf, supposedly due to customs or banking issues in their country. Complying with this makes you complicit in money laundering.
Others involve asking for help accessing money that they claim is frozen or held up. These elaborate stories are designed to make you feel like you’re helping someone in genuine need, when really you’re facilitating fraud.
Some scammers ask for banking information under the pretence of sending you money or verifying your identity. Never provide banking details, account numbers, or security information to someone you’ve met online, no matter the reason given.
Sextortion and Blackmail
A more sinister type of scam involves sextortion—blackmail using sexually explicit images or videos. In these scenarios, someone (often meeting you through dating apps) manipulates you into sharing compromising photos or engaging in video sex. They then threaten to share these images with your friends, family, or publicly unless you pay them money.
The only protection against this is never sharing explicit photos or videos with someone you’ve met only online. Even if you’re in a committed relationship with someone you met online, understand the risks of sharing intimate imagery. These images can be used as leverage if the relationship ends, or if the person turns out to be someone other than who they claimed.
If you become victim to sextortion, report it to the police and to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) if images are being shared online. Many police forces have specialist units dealing with this crime.
Chapter 12: Tech Safety and Digital Security
Using Strong, Unique Passwords
Create a unique password for your dating app account that you don’t use elsewhere. Use a combination of uppercase and lowercase letters, numbers, and symbols. Avoid using personal information like birthdays, pets’ names, or favourite colours.
Using a password manager like Dashlane or LastPass makes it easy to maintain strong, unique passwords across all platforms. This ensures that if one password is compromised, your other accounts remain secure.
Two-Factor Authentication
Enable two-factor authentication on your dating app account if available. This adds an extra layer of security, requiring a code sent to your phone in addition to your password to log in.
Protecting Against Malware and Phishing
Be cautious about links sent to you by matches. Scammers sometimes use phishing links designed to steal your login information or install malware. If a link seems suspicious or unrelated to your conversation, don’t click it. Avoid downloading any files from people you’ve met online.
Use reputable antivirus software on your devices, particularly if you access dating apps from a computer. Kaspersky, Norton, or other established security software provides protection against malware and viruses.
Safe WiFi Usage
Avoid accessing dating apps on public WiFi networks. Public WiFi is often unsecured, meaning anyone on the network could potentially see your communications. If you must use public WiFi, consider using a VPN (Virtual Private Network) to encrypt your connection.
When at home, ensure your WiFi network is password-protected and using WPA3 or WPA2 encryption, not the older WEP encryption.
Chapter 13: Special Considerations for Specific Situations
Single Parents Dating Online
Single mothers using online dating face additional considerations. Many platforms allow you to indicate that you’re a parent, which helps filter for people who are genuinely comfortable dating someone with children.
Protect your children’s privacy fiercely. Never share photos of your children on your profile. Don’t discuss their routines, school, or locations. Don’t introduce dates to your children for several months at the earliest. When you do introduce someone, do so casually and assess how they interact with your children.
Be particularly cautious about financial discussions. Some predatory individuals specifically target single parents with the intention of establishing a relationship with access to children. If anyone shows excessive interest in your children early on, or encourages you to leave them alone with them, that’s a serious red flag.
LGBTQ+ Specific Considerations
LGBTQ+ women using dating apps may face unique challenges including targeted harassment, “conversion” attempts, or violence from people who specifically target LGBTQ+ individuals. Many mainstream dating apps now have improved safety features and reporting mechanisms specifically for these issues.
Some women prefer to use LGBTQ+-specific dating apps like OkCupid or Lex, which have communities more aligned with their values and where harassment may be less common. These communities often have better moderation and user bases more committed to respectful interactions.
Women Dating Across Cultural or Class Boundaries
If you’re dating someone from a significantly different cultural or socioeconomic background, consider additional research into scams that specifically target these dynamics. Some scammers pose as wealthy international men seeking relationships with Western women. Others pose as men from developing countries in relationships with Western women, building emotional connection before requesting money.
This isn’t to suggest all cross-cultural or cross-class relationships are risky, but awareness of common scam narratives helps you recognise them if they emerge.
Women Over 50 Returning to Dating
Women over 50 who are returning to dating after decades of marriage or long-term relationships may face particular vulnerability to romance scams. Some scammers specifically target older women, recognising that they may be less familiar with online dating dynamics and potentially more emotionally vulnerable after a major life transition.
If you’re returning to dating after a long absence, educate yourself on modern dating dynamics and current scam tactics. Don’t feel embarrassed to ask friends for advice or to move slowly as you rebuild your dating confidence.
Chapter 14: Positive Online Dating Practices
Maintaining Perspective
Online dating should enhance your life, not consume it. If you find yourself spending hours daily on dating apps, regularly experiencing disappointment, or feeling emotionally drained, consider taking a break. Dating apps are tools to expand your possibilities, not replacements for real-world connection.
It’s normal to have multiple conversations with different people simultaneously in the early stages of online dating. This helps prevent over-investing in any single person before you’ve met them in person. However, once you’ve met someone in person and decided to pursue a relationship, exclusivity is a reasonable expectation to discuss.
Protecting Your Mental Health
Online dating can be emotionally taxing, particularly for women who receive high volumes of messages or who experience rejection or ghosting. Develop healthy coping mechanisms. Discuss your dating experiences with friends. Consider whether online dating is contributing positively or negatively to your mental wellbeing.
Rejection and ghosting are unfortunately common in online dating, but they’re not reflections on your worth. Someone not being interested in continuing a relationship is not a failure on your part. Keep perspective and remember that compatibility is mutual—if someone isn’t interested, they’re not the right person for you anyway.
Being Respectful to Others
While this guide is focused on your safety, being a respectful dater is also important. Respond to messages even if you’re not interested. Avoid ghosting when possible. Don’t send unsolicited explicit images. Don’t engage with someone you have no intention of meeting. Treat online interactions with the same respect you’d show to in-person meetings.
A positive online dating experience for everyone depends on users choosing respect and honesty over convenience or cruelty.
Conclusion: Dating Online with Confidence
Online dating in the UK offers genuine opportunities to meet compatible partners and build meaningful relationships. The existence of risks doesn’t mean online dating is inherently dangerous—rather, it means approaching it strategically and maintaining appropriate caution while remaining open to authentic connection.
The strategies outlined in this comprehensive guide—from creating an authentic profile through to recognising red flags and reporting concerns—all contribute to a safer, more positive online dating experience. None of these practices is foolproof, and no guide can eliminate all risk from dating, whether online or offline. However, armed with knowledge, maintaining vigilance, trusting your instincts, and taking practical precautions, you can significantly reduce your risk and increase your likelihood of finding genuine, healthy connections.
Remember that your safety and peace of mind are more important than politeness, than appearing open-minded, or than giving someone “another chance.” You deserve to date people who respect your boundaries, treat you with kindness, and demonstrate through consistent, honest behaviour that they’re worthy of your time and emotional investment.
Online dating should be enjoyable. Approach it with optimism, but temper that optimism with practical safety measures. Be willing to walk away from situations that don’t feel right. Report concerning behaviour. Learn from negative experiences. And celebrate the positive experiences—because for millions of UK women, online dating has led to genuine connection, meaningful relationships, and lasting love.
The next time you open a dating app, you do so not just with hope for connection, but with practical knowledge and confidence to protect yourself. You’re not being paranoid; you’re being smart. And that combination of openness and caution is exactly what makes for the best online dating experience.
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